December Moon
by innocent passerby
Summary: Hisoka is forced into therapy and he has to remember his past. PG-13 for somewhat descriptive rape scenes


**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Tsuzuki, Hisoka, or Muraki... though I would not mind owning the first two :) hehehe... if I owned Muraki, I am afraid I would be arrested for cruel and unusual punishment.... 

**WARNING:** DARK, rape, yaoi (male x male sex) 

**SUMMARY:** Hisoka is forced into going through therapy, and thus is forced to recall things that happened to him in the past. 

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It's another one of those nights. You know, the kind most people would find beautiful. A full moon shining bright and yellow in a cloudless twilight sky. A beautiful night... a night where one would spend remembering all the good things in life. It was this kind of night that depressed me most. It's just so hard to remember good things when there were so very little good things to remember. When a night like this took away all the good things I had left. 

Things were normal for me for the most part, at least during the first twelve years of my life. Well, as normal of life as being the son of one of the wealthiest houses in Japan could allow. 

I was loved by my mother and my father. I was their precious little Hisoka. I learned to master the martial arts at such a young age, I even impressed all my aunts and uncles, and most of all my father. I was the best of my age, I could even beat most of the adults. 

But then something happened... 

It started when I was twelve, like I said before. It was when I was burdened with the "change" that all young boys had to go through. I began receiving strange feelings, not the kind most boys would experience. I wasn't becoming infatuated with girls, or even boys for that matter. No, this "gift" was much different. I could tell how others felt, I knew what they were going to say. I tried to ignore it, I thought that it may just go away. 

At first my mother and father said that I was imagining things. They shrugged it off as a mere coincidence. Their son couldn't possibly be "strange" or "demonic" could he? But I kept guessing what they were thinking and feeling. When I finally guessed something that I couldn't have possibly known about is when their confusion became fear. 

It was at dinner time, and their feeligns were emitting off the both of them. Guilt, paranoia, revenge... I didn't believe it at first, but I realized it had to be true. My father had killed his own brother to get a little bit more of the estate for himself. I know I shouldn't have mentioned it, but I couldn't stop myself in time... That's when they started to hide me away in the basement. 

They yelled and called me demon, monster, things of that nature. Half of it was because of fear and anger that I knew their secret. The other hald was fear and anger because I was abnormal... truly a monster. All the love they had for me vanished as if it had never been there at all. They told my relatives I was dead, so I wouldn't be able to do anything against them. 

I was imprisoned and showered with hatred and fear. I was fed table scraps like a dog, and every day was the same. Yelling, beating, negative emotions flooding me. I was even afraid and hateful of myself. I think the only feelings that were truly mine were sadness and betrayel.... and loneliness. It was like that for an entire year. In that time I forgot what love was like, what it meant to be cherished and normal. I even forgot what it meant to be a child, that was when I became cynical. 

There was one window in the cell I was held in. It faced the sky... every day I could see the sunrise, every night I'd see the stars and the moon. One night, when I was thirteen, I saw a red moon, in December. I was intrigued by it enough to climb through the window and walk through the garden. I was entranced by this moon, I must have stayed out for an hour before I saw the one thing that would change my life forever. 

A sudden burst of fear struck me, and I turned to find the source of it. All I could do was watch as a white silhouette, glowing red from the moonight, struck a woman in the chest. I could see the blood, feel the panic and terror... I was frozen in my spot. 

Then the murderer looked in my direction with those metalic silvery eyes that I now know belong to Muraki. He saw me... it was over. I couldn't even find the sense to run when he approached me so slowly. 

It bust have been so easy for him to overcome me. I tried my best to get away, but being confined for a year had made me weak, and he had so much strength... an inhuman strength. 

First, he stole my clothes from my body. I tried even harder to get away when he was busy, but he wouldn't let me. He held both my wrists with one hand and used his other hand to touch me. He left no spot clean... He used my lack of experience to get me aroused by mere touch. 

I could feel the teards prickling my eyes and flowing across my cheeks. I didn't want this... I didn't want to die like this. When I thought it was finally over, I was wrong. That's when he took me so violently. It felt as though I was being ripped into parts.... I could smell the blood, sweat, and sex... I could feel the searing pain, and his malicious excitement and joy at having me under his control... and his demented lust and sadistic desires to hurt me and give me a "worthy death." I wish he had killed me then and let me be in peace... But he wasn't finished with me yet. 

I was weak, and spent. I didn't even call for help, because I knew that it would never come. I was on the verge of blissful unconsciousness when I felt a new kind of pain. I felt white hot on my back, the screams were caught in my throat because it hurt so badly. i heard laughing and chanting, and the pain spread across my entire body... my chest, arms, and legs... Pain in every mark that he left on me. 

When the pain seemed to fade, both the "man: and the marks he left her gone as well. It was morning before they found me laying nude, bleeding, and empty... and instead of apologies and forgiveness, I was scolded for leaving. They threw me back into that cold cell, without even my clothes, and the single window boarded up. 

I was fine the whole day, cryign nonstop, but the only pain I felt was in my rear... but the night was different. The glowing marks came back full force, glowing red like the murdurous moon. This time I screamed out, and my father came to yell for me to be quiet, but he was stopped in his tracks when he saw the flaming marks all over my body. He screamed I was a demon, and mother came and did the same, falling to her knees in tears. Her son really was the monster she thought he was. They left me alone with my pain. 

The next morning it was the same, the marks and the pain faded only to return that night. It went on for a week until my body became sick from the pain and lack of sleep... that's when my father gave me his last pity and sent me to stay at the hospital... though neither him nor my mother ever saw me in that hospital. 

Every day was the same here, during the day I was treated like a normal patient with mealks three times a day and the superficial care of nurses... even though I could feel no real compassion from them, but I didn't blame them. I was a monster after all. During the nights, they would strap me into my bed and my mouth was covered, and I was locked into the little hospital room to suffer from that curse. By that time, my mind couldn't recall where I'd gotten those marks. I just believed it was a psysical sign of my devilish abilities to read emotions. 

The only time the patterns changed were on the full and new moons. During the full moon, the pain lasted even through the days, and during the new moons, I was given a break and the pains didn't even come during the nights. I would still be locked in my room and strapped down.... I would pass my time staring at the ceiling, crying, or sleeping... I wondered for so long how much my body could take of this cycle, and I was finally answered on the thirty-sixth full moon since the night I was taken. The pain was different this time, it hurt so intensely, but began to numb down... maybe it was over.... and the window where I could see that blood-red moon seemed to blur into darkness... and I realized I was having more trouble than usual in breathing... and after a few moments, I felt the release only death could offer... 

That is when I met the Gushoushin and the prospect of revenge. That is when I made the decision to become a Shinigami. That was when I met people who knew about my powers and didn't shun me for it... that's when I met the only man that has ever cared so deeply for me since I was twelve years old. 

* * * * *

I sigh as I set my pencil down, looking nonchalantly towards the window. I can't believe I let them talk me into this... Tsuzuki and Watari suggested today to go see the company counselor. I would have never agreed to it if it hadn't been for Tsuzuki's blackmail. The idiot refused to see the counselor unless I did as well... and I knew that he'd need to see the counselor after what he went through in Kyoto. That's the only reason I agreed to go... as long as Tsuzuki went. 

That counselor told me if I wasn't going to talk to him, I would have to write it all down for him. I guess writing it isn't as hard as saying it out loud. So maybe this will have to do. 

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**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Hey guys, its my first Yami no Matsuei fanfic, yay! I hope you enjoyed it, I would love to hear comments and criticisms! It always helps to know your weaknesses and better them after all. Thanks for reading! 


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